Starting to hear some ugly rumors coming out of the Barnstormers AAU program

[tweeterhawk]

Unfortunately I know more about it than I wish I did. The stats of 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys is real.

There is no way to completely protect a child from this. Perps come from all walks of life. Sometimes they are just noticeable creeps and loners. They are also high profile and often really likable people with power.

Victims can be loner kids or really popular outgoing kids. They can even groom the best of parents to get to a child. The main thing is to be observant and ask questions.

I know of a doctor, a teacher who after the abuse of a high school girl AND it became public became the principal. Another was a manager at a large grain elevator. Know a very friendly likable school bus driver.

My advice:

1. If someone is overly likable or the opposite can't relate to adults but can with kids be aware.

2. If your kid tells you or drops hints, act on it and believe it. Don't cower to authority figure dismissals.

3. Children can be trained for safety, but these people are so good it really doesn't matter really. They can fool the best of parents.


4.. Be very wary of coaches/teachers/mentors/friends who try and keep parents at a distance.

5. Be very wary of people who have access to your and use gas lighting techniques on your and or your child.

6, Learn the signs of PTSD in a child.

Unfortunately most are violated by someone close to them prior to someone more distant. Kids who have been abused are much more vulnerable to repeat abuse.

If abuse has occurred.

1. Not all therapists are equal. Very few are actually good at helping this kind of thing.
2. Don't believe the old way of not talking about it.
3. Be on guard for repeat abuse.
4. Don't cower to authorities who resist. Document Document Document.
5. Expect emotional issues throughout life. Not all the time, but triggers do happen. Milestones in life cause issues..
6. Expect people to get really angry if you accuse someone. There is a high probability they are very well liked. Family and organizations are protected. Think PSU reactions on a smaller but severe scale. Be prepared to lose relationships and fight like hell. Be prepared for a fight like hell.

Well-stated!

 

[hawkeyemark]

The aau which will put Iowa under the inspection collaterally.

Think JBo and his last game.

These type of guys are usually not one diminsional.

The program gonna be looked at real close.
.

Had another question about your response here which you obviously know what you write. What do you mean by usually not one dimensional? Do these guys keep "reaching out" even after the kids they abuse move on? I can't imagine the kinds of things going through Bohannon's head regardless of what he may have experienced in his time with the Barnstormers.

 

[tweeterhawk]

You don't say how old he is. Through life, this will come up in various ways. The impact never goes away entirely. So sorry for your son.

Thanks. He's 37 and in a relationship with a young woman. They plan to get married.

If he thinks about it he doesn't say anything to us. A couple times when I've mentioned my anger about what the guy did and that I didn't push him harder about what was going on, my son just says to let it go, that he's moved on and I should, too. My blood pressure still goes up when I think about what this creep did to our son, though.

 

[tweeterhawk]

Had another question about your response here which you obviously know what you write. What do you mean by usually not one dimensional? Do these guys keep "reaching out" even after the kids they abuse move on? I can't imagine the kinds of things going through Bohannon's head regardless of what he may have experienced in his time with the Barnstormers.

In our experience, yes, they keep in contact and keep up the pressure to keep their little "secret." A lot of ways predators keep control of their victims.

 

[Fryowa]

On a lighter note, I bet you can go to Stephen Auto in Monticello this week and get a hell of a deal on a Chevy.

BOOM

 

[HawkGold]

Had another question about your response here which you obviously know what you write. What do you mean by usually not one dimensional? Do these guys keep "reaching out" even after the kids they abuse move on? I can't imagine the kinds of things going through Bohannon's head regardless of what he may have experienced in his time with the Barnstormers.

That would be an aspect. Even more though I meant that he likely did more than take photos which has already started to come out about the masturbation in bed with 2 boys, one of which was 14. His reach is likely pretty far. Don't want to give too much detail, but for example a predator I helped bring down was convicted in 7 different counties. What he wasn't convicted on was actually hiding in victims rooms and telling them via phone what they were wearing where there was only one place he could have been to know which was a bedroom of married woman who had teenagers. His ultimate targets were the teen girls, but also the mothers were all blond about 120 pounds and quite attractive. He also got into homes, stole credit cards and bought pornographic material with their cards from their bedrooms. Those are all things he didn't get convicted on.

The other aspect is that few perps operate without enablers. In this case the perp was in part protected by the wife pf a the perp who worked for a Big University. Some of the crimes were on University Property and involved 4-H mailing/contact lists and employee schedules. The university fought the charges through not cooperating and punishing whistle blowers.

The perp was the most handsome likable guy you'd ever meet. Enablers can fight really hard to protect the "family/organization" image.

This guy likely has done many terrible things.

The victims in this situation can also try and protect the perp and the enablers due to Stockholm Syndrome, fear and shame.

I also know quite a bit about this thing coming from a family involved in law enforcement. But I'll also say my dad was a terrible cop.

I'm not blaming parents. Most likely had no idea. Some likely had suspicions. Some likely knew and for a variety of reasons from fear to wanting their child to be a star...

I am sure that someone else in the organization knew or highly suspected. The perp's damage likely is beyond the AAU organization and it likely involved activities that go beyond video and masturbation. It will be interesting to find out what the video of an adult male mentioned is about.

I'm not making a prediction so don't take it as that. This could unravel in ways beyond what we can imagine. Hopefully not. Be prepared for more and hope not. Be prepared if it starts to unravel to see massive anger from a lot of different angles including those who don't want their favorite team (again no accusations) damaged in some ways.

If some of the victims do involve major current players can you image the support and the heckling/threats they may receive? It may be totally unrelated, but just before this is made public, one of the former players (I am not saying victims), had their worst game ever.

The other aspect that few will want to talk about is that perps groom victims in a variety of ways. Victims as children often "enjoy" (I hate putting it that way) aspects of the experience and the amount of shame can become suicidal.

At least in today's environment, it's not likely to get swept under the rug. At least I hope it won't.

 

[Fryowa]

My gawd there are some sick SOB's in this world.

I believe most people who commit most crimes can be rehabilitated and are probably sorry for what they did. They have value to themselves, their families, and society. They have the potential to mend their wrongs, and I know of quite a few who my employer has hired as laborers from a local RTF who snap out of it and go on to be awesome people who just screwed up.

But people who prey on the weakest and most impressionable members of society, i.e. children, should have no maximum sentences. They are completely and utterly useless to society and only serve as a burden. People like this guy should be shot in the back of the head and thrown in an unmarked hole somewhere. That’s not uncivilized, quite the contrary. It’s completely civilized...cutting out a cancer that has no value and only harms.

I don’t say this out of spite or as a knee jerk response. They literally have no value or worth as a human being, and only cause harm. There is zero reason these types of people shouldn’t be exterminated like disease-spreading rats when they’re found out. They’re nothing but vermin, only worse because I’ve never heard of a rat or snake purposely inflicting pain strictly for pleasure.

I hope this guy (if he did it) lives in fear in his concrete box for the rest of his life and slowly rots away of a horrible disease, all alone and afraid.

 

[Adam]

There is something wrong with humanity. Always has been. It's just so sad when it hits so close to home.

 

[tweeterhawk]

Any advise on how to try to find out early? What you would have done different? Like age to start asking questions and things like that?

Best advice I would have is to watch for warning signs, trust your gut and if something seems wrong, it almost certainly is. Start asking about it as soon as you sense something is not right. That could be in the child's mid-teens, it could be earlier. As we learned from the Larry Nassar case, some of the girls were molested starting at very young ages.

In my son's case and just about every other sexual abuse incident we're aware of, the predator is also an authority figure to them: a coach, trainer, work supervisor, instructor, clergyman. They're not loners. May be married or divorced. They're reasonably well known in the community. In our case it was the maitre d at an historic, popular inn. Bigger than life, greeted everyone when they came in; well-known by the regulars. He was in charge of the servers, a few of whom were high school boys like my son.

Our son suddenly seemed to get a lot more hours and occasionally we'd notice he'd come home with alcohol on his breath. Later learned the guy was giving him liquor from the owner's bar and they were smoking pot behind the kitchen or in the guy's Jaguar. Even going to the guy's place about 30 minutes away where most of the abuse occurred. The guy gave our son gifts, including a leather coat, other clothes, occasional use of his Jag, use of a top hat and tux for prom. All to break down his defenses and develop a relationship. The few times my wife and I ate at the restaurant the guy brought us un-ordered desserts or drinks with a big smile, telling us it was on the owner (who many of the staff disliked.)

Many red flags. Recognized some of them at the time. Tried to talk to our son about it several times but he repeatedly denied there was anything going on, just that the guy was a friend.

 

[HawkGold]

Thanks. He's 37 and in a relationship with a young woman. They plan to get married.

If he thinks about it he doesn't say anything to us. A couple times when I've mentioned my anger about what the guy did and that I didn't push him harder about what was going on, my son just says to let it go, that he's moved on and I should, too. My blood pressure still goes up when I think about what this creep did to our son, though.

My advice to you (for what ever it's worth), is don't push him, but if negative things happen in life, likely it will be tied back to this and help where you can. Marriage can be a terrible trigger for ptsd/trauma symptoms.

Eventually, one has to move on. However, what that usually means is stuffing it and sooner or later it will burst out if it was in fact stuffed to "move on". All you can do is be there for him at this point and maybe guide when problems do crop out.

For what ever it's worth, a couple of resources you might want to read. The problem is that for those who stuff it, it tends to come out in the 40s and 50s like a raging hurricane and lives get totally turned upside down.

Naming Our Abuse
Several of Dan Allender's books

Dr Diane Langberg has several videos on youtube.

 

[Hawkfnntn]

It sucks that we are to the point between school shootings, the crap that went on with MSUs gymnastics, Sandusky at PSU, now this and whatever else that hasn't come to light yet that putting your children in a bubble is about the only way to shield them from crap that just a generation or so ago wasn't even thought about.
I don't have kids. If I did I don't think I'd put them in any sort of situation as a minor to where they are alone with other adults. I wouldn't have them join stuff like traveling AAU teams and whatnot. I just don't have a trusting bone left in my body of other people. I can't say I'd let them have sleep overs at friends houses for crying out loud. Something I got to do throughout my child hood. And it was fun and great. But is something that's fun and great worth all that your risking..... It's something that folks have to start really thinking about

 

[PCHawk]

Thanks guys. If anyone has anything else, you should post it. I've got young kids and I'm going to do everything I can to educate myself as much as possible. What are other signs to look for? What questions do you ask? Might as well get as much info as possible into this thread. Maybe years down the road someone will get a red flag based on something they read here, and a small piece of good can come from this.

Like I said, I'm going to educate myself as much as I can. Any story I hear about how someone found out and what clues gave it away could be a story that helps save my kids down the road.

I'm seriously getting choked up typing this. I couldn't even imagine.

 

[HawkGold]

It sucks that we are to the point between school shootings, the crap that went on with MSUs gymnastics, Sandusky at PSU, now this and whatever else that hasn't come to light yet that putting your children in a bubble is about the only way to shield them from crap that just a generation or so ago wasn't even thought about.
I don't have kids. If I did I don't think I'd put them in any sort of situation as a minor to where they are alone with other adults. I wouldn't have them join stuff like traveling AAU teams and whatnot. I just don't have a trusting bone left in my body of other people. I can't say I'd let them have sleep overs at friends houses for crying out loud. Something I got to do throughout my child hood. And it was fun and great. But is something that's fun and great worth all that your risking..... It's something that folks have to start really thinking about

Keeping your child from being alone with other adults is virtually impossible. Most perps are family or family friends. You also can't keep them from being alone with peers where abuse also happens. Listen to the testimony of Kyle Stephens. I't heartbreaking.

Theory on child rearing is really hard to implement.

 

[hawkeyemark]

That would be an aspect. Even more though I meant that he likely did more than take photos which has already started to come out about the masturbation in bed with 2 boys, one of which was 14. His reach is likely pretty far. Don't want to give too much detail, but for example a predator I helped bring down was convicted in 7 different counties. What he wasn't convicted on was actually hiding in victims rooms and telling them via phone what they were wearing where there was only one place he could have been to know which was a bedroom of married woman who had teenagers. His ultimate targets were the teen girls, but also the mothers were all blond about 120 pounds and quite attractive. He also got into homes, stole credit cards and bought pornographic material with their cards from their bedrooms. Those are all things he didn't get convicted on.

The other aspect is that few perps operate without enablers. In this case the perp was in part protected by the wife pf a the perp who worked for a Big University. Some of the crimes were on University Property and involved 4-H mailing/contact lists and employee schedules. The university fought the charges through not cooperating and punishing whistle blowers.

The perp was the most handsome likable guy you'd ever meet. Enablers can fight really hard to protect the "family/organization" image.

This guy likely has done many terrible things.

The victims in this situation can also try and protect the perp and the enablers due to Stockholm Syndrome, fear and shame.

I also know quite a bit about this thing coming from a family involved in law enforcement. But I'll also say my dad was a terrible cop.

I'm not blaming parents. Most likely had no idea. Some likely had suspicions. Some likely knew and for a variety of reasons from fear to wanting their child to be a star...

I am sure that someone else in the organization knew or highly suspected. The perp's damage likely is beyond the AAU organization and it likely involved activities that go beyond video and masturbation. It will be interesting to find out what the video of an adult male mentioned is about.

I'm not making a prediction so don't take it as that. This could unravel in ways beyond what we can imagine. Hopefully not. Be prepared for more and hope not. Be prepared if it starts to unravel to see massive anger from a lot of different angles including those who don't want their favorite team (again no accusations) damaged in some ways.

If some of the victims do involve major current players can you image the support and the heckling/threats they may receive? It may be totally unrelated, but just before this is made public, one of the former players (I am not saying victims), had their worst game ever.

The other aspect that few will want to talk about is that perps groom victims in a variety of ways. Victims as children often "enjoy" (I hate putting it that way) aspects of the experience and the amount of shame can become suicidal.

At least in today's environment, it's not likely to get swept under the rug. At least I hope it won't.

Wow- much to think about and absorb here. Maybe Fran really does need to just get himself out of Iowa City and start fresh at a level more suited to the style of ball he wants to play. This situation has to put a strain on him both as a coach and a father. It seems safe to think we won't have the status quo moving forward one way or the other. Hard to really contemplate where we go from here.

 

[Hawkfnntn]

Keeping your child from being alone with other adults is virtually impossible. Most perps are family or family friends. You also can't keep them from being alone with peers where abuse also happens. Listen to the testimony of Kyle Stephens. I't heartbreaking.

Theory on child rearing is really hard to implement.

I agree it really really is next to impossible. Control what you can to the extent you can. Putting your kids on traveling AAU teams and sending your girls off to gymnastics camps for weeks at a time is just risky...

 

[PCHawk]

I agree it really really is next to impossible. Control what you can to the extent you can. Putting your kids on traveling AAU teams and sending your girls off to gymnastics camps for weeks at a time is just risky...

Honestly you have to question why a person wants to be in a position where they are constantly around kids. I don't think that way with teachers so much, but most other professions where people are constantly alone with kids have me sceptical. I see a crossing guard by a school or a Santa Claus at the mall and I always wonder "why do they want to do that".

 

[lightning1]

Honestly you have to question why a person wants to be in a position where they are constantly around kids. I don't think that way with teachers so much, but most other professions where people are constantly alone with kids have me sceptical. I see a crossing guard by a school or a Santa Claus at the mall and I always wonder "why do they want to do that".

I know AAU coaches that will share rooms with less fortunate kids, on road tournaments. The kids don't have any money and the coaches want to help out. It always makes me nervous because I was trained in a setting where you never want to put yourself in those situations. My situation is different because my wife travels with me, so if something came up and we had to make room for a kid, at least I would have another adult present. But It's generally not something I am comfortable doing, so I don't.

 

[PCHawk]

I know AAU coaches that will share rooms with less fortunate kids, on road tournaments. The kids don't have any money and the coaches want to help out. It always makes me nervous because I was trained in a setting where you never want to put yourself in those situations. My situation is different because my wife travels with me, so if something came up and we had to make room for a kid, at least I would have another adult present. But It's generally not something I am comfortable doing, so I don't.

That's a risky situation for both parties. Kids can lie too.

 

[hawkdrummer1]

In our experience, yes, they keep in contact and keep up the pressure to keep their little "secret." A lot of ways predators keep control of their victims.

Much respect for your words Tweeter. Thanks for sharing. We've had abuse happen in our family as well, it takes a lot of work, patience and support to help kids regain a sense of control and normalcy.

 

[HuckFinn]

This disgusts me to no end. Would not be surprised to learn that this creep was providing alcohol and perhaps drugs to “groom” the boys for his sick pleasures.

I’m the father of a grown man who was molested when he was 16 and 17 by a supervisor at a Mid-Atlantic inn where he worked. Alcohol, pot, use of a vintage Jaguar, a leather coat — all to put our son in a position to be abused sexually. His favors were even extended to my wife and I in the form of unbilled items the few times we ate at the restaurant.

We didn’t learn about it until a few years later when my son told a therapist about it and was told he needed to be honest and forthcoming with us.

We went to the police. They took the information but did nothing, suggesting the contact was consensual. It wasn’t. If I could have grabbed the cop’s gun when he said that, I’d probably still be in prison. That was 17 years ago.

Just realize that there’s likely more going on and to come out in this case. Time of reckoning for some of the athletes and probably a lot of confusion and anger for the parents, including those of past, current and future members of Iowa basketball.

A very sad story. I am glad that your son talked to a professional and had supportive and loving parents. Too many victims do not have that opportunity.