PC and 4th
Both of you are expressing a lot of frustration about how racism is defined and what appears to be constantly moving goal posts. I'd like to think your attempts at open discussion are genuine efforts at growth, but I guess time will tell.
I'm no expert on the subject, but my take is that some people grasp onto situations where the accusation of racism probably wasn't appropriate to the point where they blind themselves to the reality that is racism as a whole. They then use those examples as the "whataboutisms" to which Rob is referring.
Yes, occasionally minorities will scream racism when the situation probably doesn't warrant it, or they'll play the "race card" out of frustration or convenience, or they'll blame racism on just about everything negative in their lives, etc., etc. We've all seen it, and it's both sad and frustrating at the same time, especially when you consider that those situations ultimately are counter-productive to the cause.
Case in point: O.J. Simpson. Coming off the emotional turmoil surrounding the Rodney King situation, his legal team effectively used his race as a way to get an acquittal. Johnny Cochran even had his residence renovated to make him look more "black" to the jury. The strategy obviously was extremely effective. Most African-Americans deep down knew he was guilty, but applauded his acquittal as a blow to what they deemed an historically unjust judicial system.
The point is that it's okay to see these inconsistencies and call them out, as long as you don't use them to blind yourself to the truth about racism, or try to hide behind them as a covert way to cover up true racist attitudes.