I never understood taco pizza. If I wanted tacos, I'd just get tacos.
It's been years bince I told this story on here.
It was the day where Iowa played Ohio State in hoops and then rassled Oklahoma State later that evening. I don't recall the year, but I think Ohio had Sullinger. I went to both events. My buddies and I then went to a bar in North Liberty after the rasslin' meet.
I see them setting up a karaoke machine. A group of immensely fat women walked in. My buddy went to the bathroom. I approach the fatties and say "hey, my buddy loves to sing I got you babe by Sonny and Cher and needs a female vocalist." I get a member of their group to volunteer.
So they end up singing and these fatties viewed this as an opportunity to chat us up. This one woman was on me like stink on shit and the only thing I had eaten all day was a fucking ice cream cone at the basketball game. I was fucking dying. Somehow I get to talking about how I would kill a man for a taco pizza.
Closing time comes around. We're outside waiting for my buddy's wife to come pick us up. The fattest of the fatties walks up to me, grabs me in my penile area, and whispers in my ear "I have a taco pizza at my place. Why don't you come over?"
My brain goes into fight or flight mode. There's nowhere to run, I'm standing outside in the balls cold. So I immediately start cross examining her. "When did you get the pizza? Are the chips still crispy? How is the lettuce? That doesn't hold up to refrigeration very well... How many slices are left? Wait, so you're saying you got an entire taco pizza and only ate one piece?"
I have never been so glad to see a Dodge minivan as I was the moment my buddy's wife pulled into the parking lot.
The woman who made this offer, I am not exaggerating here fellas, she had to be 3 spins. She was so fat that her knuckles were smooth because her body had run out of places to deposit the fat and started putting it on her hands. I saw her get in the back seat of the car with her two friends and no bullshit the thing damned near bottomed out when she got in.
Sorry for the meandering story, but the moral of it is to never profess your undying love for taco pizza in front of women you don't know.