Yes, Iowa won, but…

ssckelley

Well-Known Member
WHile mwe're on the subject of fashion...

If you are a male over the age of 19, wearing a flat brimmed hat should be subject to immediate summary execution. I know there are 40 somethings on this board who let your wives dress you up like Ken dolls and this will severely trigger some of you, but listen up...

Here is a list of shit that you as a 40 something are not allowed to do and should be put in jail for...

1) Tanning. I don't even need to explain this one. A 43 year-old from Iowa looking like a burnt umber leather purse in January screams insecurity. Don't fucking do it.

2) Jeans that don't say Levi's or Wrangler on them. Stop listening to your wife and stop letting her buy you boot cut jeans with sparkly stitching on the ass pockets and fake stone washing down the front. We fucking know that you didn't wear the dye out on your knees, and thighs, bud. Stop trying to sell the idea.

3) Earrings. Just fucking don't. Most of us all had run ins with earrings in the 90's, but most of us actually grew up. Take those goddamned things out and throw 'em in the river.

4) Backwards hats. The day you got your first gray beard hair was the first day you were disqualified from wearing a hat backwards. It's not a tragedy, it's a testament that you've lived long enough to not dress like you're 19 anymore. Also, bonus points removed if that hat you're wearing backwards, is flat brimmed or tilted off angle. Immediate firing squad.

5) Jordans or any other sneakers with skinny jeans tucked in behing the tongues. You don't live in Brooklyn, you aren't 17 years old, and wearing that shit in Bondurant, Iowa or wherever the hell you are isn't showing solidarity to the hip hop scene on the east/west coasts. It just marks you as a doucher who can't accept that he doesn't get carded anymore.

6) Sculpted goatee designs. Totally fucking prohibited. No soul patches, no shaving your goatee down to an upside-down T, no doing the 3 stripe thing upto your lips because you can't grow a full goatee. Either have a goatee or beard and let it be. For the learning impaired in the crowd, basically if Fred Durst ever did it, it's not allowed. A goatee is your mustache and chin hair under your lips, unadulterated, period.

Fellas...stop letting your wife buy you clothes and trying to dress you up like a little puppy dog. You're 40 or 50 something years old, all you need are a few white and gray undershirts, a few solid color polos, t-shirts, some non-cargo pants/shorts (no fucking jorts allowed), and a few pairs of Levi's in whatever style fits comfortably. A couple hoodies, and a pair of black or gray sneakers. Hawkeye gear is to consist of t-shirts, hoodies, baseball caps or stocking hats. It is to be presented in proper Black and Old Gold, not that florescent yellow shit that some brands try to use to avoid marketing licenses. Also, Hawkeye gear should never be disposed of, only added to. That mid 90s shirt with the puke stains and burned sleeve are marks of rites of passage and suffering. If your wife tells you to throw pieces of your collection away, that is when it has been elevated to shrine status, not the garbage can. Tell her to get bent. You're not her little preschooler.

If you have to dress up for work just do your thing, but no skinny dress pants, no shiny fabric, and definitely no pointy-toe oxfords. That's for 20 year olds--not you. For those of you still triggered and still thinking they can dress hip...know this--

The rest of us see you coming a mile away, smell you when you walk in the room, and we make fun of you when you're not looking.

Solid list, I agree with most of it.

1. Exceptions should be made when going on vacation. The only time I have EVER tanned was when I won a trip to Cabo and Hawaii and that was only because I wanted to enjoy the beach without frying like burnt bacon.
2. I wear jeans based on comfort not so much the look and I definitely won't be caught dead wearing something with sparkly shit on my ass. But the brands I buy are not always Wrangler or Levi, they are brands I've never heard of and don't cost me an arm and a leg.
3. Is a Prince Albert still allowed? I'm asking for a friend.....
4. FULL STOP, no way in hell are you umping a game behind the plate without your hat being on backwards! lol...but, yeah, you are right on with this.
5. Dammit, I would still wear a pair of Jordan's if I could afford them!
6. When the hell did this ever become a thing?
 

MelroseHawkins

Well-Known Member
If we can score 33 points, or the 27 we scored against Iowa State and Minnesota, or the 23 we scored against Penn State and it's enough to win, then I don't care how the fuck we scored them.

Go back to that classic 2002 Purdue game and our offense struggled much of that game as well. But the special teams provided two scores that day, and Dallas Clark's epic 95 yard catch and run produced another score.

But your plucking the one game out of that season, cherry picking the anomaly for that season. I guess what the OP is pointing out is that this is a systemic issue and has been for some time, in an era where the college game is changing. The question is why isn't Iowa's offense evolving to an extent. I'll be honest, it is a bit disconcerting because no team is ever out of the game.
 

Fryowa

Administrator
Solid list, I agree with most of it.

1. Exceptions should be made when going on vacation. The only time I have EVER tanned was when I won a trip to Cabo and Hawaii and that was only because I wanted to enjoy the beach without frying like burnt bacon.
2. I wear jeans based on comfort not so much the look and I definitely won't be caught dead wearing something with sparkly shit on my ass. But the brands I buy are not always Wrangler or Levi, they are brands I've never heard of and don't cost me an arm and a leg.
3. Is a Prince Albert still allowed? I'm asking for a friend.....
4. FULL STOP, no way in hell are you umping a game behind the plate without your hat being on backwards! lol...but, yeah, you are right on with this.
5. Dammit, I would still wear a pair of Jordan's if I could afford them!
6. When the hell did this ever become a thing?
1. Sorry. No tanning exceptions. Wear a white or light colored dri-fit material shirt. They're so light they're almost nonexistent. Nobody wants to see us shirtless. It scares little kids and 25 year old women will get grossed out.

4. Contrary to popular belief, real umpires don't work plates with backwards hats. It's forbidden. Licensed umpires in all levels wear 4 stitch caps behind the plate. It's a short brimmed hat that will fit behind a mask. Exceptions are made for the guys who wear the hockey goalie-style masks. They don't have to wear caps.

https://www.ump-attire.com/Products...rformance-FlexFit-Combo-Plate-Base-Umpire-Cap
 

MelroseHawkins

Well-Known Member
WHile mwe're on the subject of fashion...

If you are a male over the age of 19, wearing a flat brimmed hat should be subject to immediate summary execution. I know there are 40 somethings on this board who let your wives dress you up like Ken dolls and this will severely trigger some of you, but listen up...

Here is a list of shit that you as a 40 something are not allowed to do and should be put in jail for...

1) Tanning. I don't even need to explain this one. A 43 year-old from Iowa looking like a burnt umber leather purse in January screams insecurity. Don't fucking do it.

2) Jeans that don't say Levi's or Wrangler on them. Stop listening to your wife and stop letting her buy you boot cut jeans with sparkly stitching on the ass pockets and fake stone washing down the front. We fucking know that you didn't wear the dye out on your knees, and thighs, bud. Stop trying to sell the idea.

3) Earrings. Just fucking don't. Most of us all had run ins with earrings in the 90's, but most of us actually grew up. Take those goddamned things out and throw 'em in the river.

4) Backwards hats. The day you got your first gray beard hair was the first day you were disqualified from wearing a hat backwards. It's not a tragedy, it's a testament that you've lived long enough to not dress like you're 19 anymore. Also, bonus points removed if that hat you're wearing backwards, is flat brimmed or tilted off angle. Immediate firing squad.

5) Jordans or any other sneakers with skinny jeans tucked in behing the tongues. You don't live in Brooklyn, you aren't 17 years old, and wearing that shit in Bondurant, Iowa or wherever the hell you are isn't showing solidarity to the hip hop scene on the east/west coasts. It just marks you as a doucher who can't accept that he doesn't get carded anymore.

6) Sculpted goatee designs. Totally fucking prohibited. No soul patches, no shaving your goatee down to an upside-down T, no doing the 3 stripe thing upto your lips because you can't grow a full goatee. Either have a goatee or beard and let it be, or shave it. For the learning impaired in the crowd, basically if Fred Durst ever did it, it's not allowed. A goatee is your mustache and chin hair under your lips, unadulterated, period.

Fellas...stop letting your wife buy you clothes and trying to dress you up like a little puppy dog. You're 40 or 50 something years old, all you need are a few white and gray undershirts, a few solid color polos, t-shirts, some non-cargo pants/shorts (no fucking jorts allowed), and a few pairs of Levi's in whatever style fits comfortably. A couple hoodies, and a pair of black or gray sneakers. Hawkeye gear is to consist of t-shirts, hoodies, baseball caps or stocking hats only. No Columbia fleeces and no sweat pants. If you're too cold and think you need a $97 Hawkeye Columbia fleece, put another shirt underneath your hoodie and toughen the fuck up. Hawk gear is to be presented in proper Black and Old Gold, not that florescent yellow shit that some brands try to use to avoid marketing licenses. Also, Hawkeye gear should never be disposed of, only added to. That mid 90s shirt with the puke stains and burned sleeve are marks of rites of passage and suffering. If your wife tells you to throw pieces of your collection away, that is when it has been elevated to shrine status, not the garbage can. Tell her to get bent or find a different husband name Reese or Clayton who will let her play dress up. You're not her little preschooler.

If you have to dress up for work just do your thing, but no skinny dress pants, no shiny fabric, and definitely no pointy-toe oxfords. That's for 20 year olds--not you. For those of you still triggered and still thinking they can dress hip...know this--

The rest of us see you coming a mile away, smell you when you walk in the room, and we make fun of you when you're not looking.

Absolutely CLASSIC!!

Well done sir!
 

MelroseHawkins

Well-Known Member
Solid list, I agree with most of it.

1. Exceptions should be made when going on vacation. The only time I have EVER tanned was when I won a trip to Cabo and Hawaii and that was only because I wanted to enjoy the beach without frying like burnt bacon.
2. I wear jeans based on comfort not so much the look and I definitely won't be caught dead wearing something with sparkly shit on my ass. But the brands I buy are not always Wrangler or Levi, they are brands I've never heard of and don't cost me an arm and a leg.
3. Is a Prince Albert still allowed? I'm asking for a friend.....
4. FULL STOP, no way in hell are you umping a game behind the plate without your hat being on backwards! lol...but, yeah, you are right on with this.
5. Dammit, I would still wear a pair of Jordan's if I could afford them!
6. When the hell did this ever become a thing?

1) No exception. Real men don't go to Cabo or Hawaii, or Caribbean islands!
2) My absolute favorite pair of jeans is this Flypaper jeans brand. I picked up a pair at the local Fleet Farm right before Christmas (We buy our own gifts) a couple years ago and still rockin' them. They are not designer but look kind of designer but no shiny shit or rips/tears. They are absolutely the most comfortable, at least for my 50 year old portly body now. They've lasted two years and I'm going to try to find them again, but, I don't think FF as had them in stock like they did a couple Christmases ago. Online it is, I guess. I luv em!
 

Fryowa

Administrator
^^This

One season schedule game left.

Side note: I much more enjoy watching Iowa State's offense than Iowa's, even when Iowa State loses. One of my 14 yr old boys even said two me a couple weeks ago when I asked him why he wasn't watching the game, "Iowa is just so damn boring to watch." I couldn't disagree but I'm a fan so I endure.
Have you ever taken him to a game live? My kid's first one was in 2014 and that's when he went from liking the Hawks to full-on rager fan like all of us.
 

MelroseHawkins

Well-Known Member
Have you ever taken him to a game live? My kid's first one was in 2014 and that's when he went from liking the Hawks to full-on rager fan like all of us.
Funny you ask. I have twin boys and the very first game I took them to was when they were quite young. It was that Western ...... game that was the game that stormed that kept getting delayed and water running down the stairs.

We live in the Iowa City area and go to school in the IC school district. They have been in multiple spring practices and Kinnick days over the years but too old now. They actually help clean Kinnick after every home game as for their HS football team obligation. We go to multiple basketball games to. They are right in the mix.
 

Fryowa

Administrator
Funny you ask. I have twin boys and the very first game I took them to was when they were quite young. It was that Western ...... game that was the game that stormed that kept getting delayed and water running down the stairs.

We live in the Iowa City area and go to school in the IC school district. They have been in multiple spring practices and Kinnick days over the years but too old now. They actually help clean Kinnick after every home game as for their HS football team obligation. We go to multiple basketball games to. They are right in the mix.
You should go the mobile pass route. $275 a piece with no donation/fees/taxes. It'd be pretty cheap to get 2 tix and rotate between your boys and taking your wife (assuming she's into Hawks sports).

I wish I lived even half as close as IC. My kid and I made all 7 home games this year and we live 5 1/2 hours away. Traveling was a bitch but worth it.
 

uihawk82

Well-Known Member
No way.

Fleck is a Preferred Stock guy. But not only a Preferred Stock guy, he's one of those dudes who boils Preferred Stock down on his stove to increase the concentration of the smell.

Like one of those 41 year olds with a fake tan, jeans his wife bought him that have designs sewn in the ass pockets, and a button up shirt his wife also bought him with the cuffs flipped inside out to show off the patterned fabric and his giant $30 Fossil watch. Add a flat brimmed hat that his wife also bought him and enough Preferred Stock to be able to smell him walk in the front door of Walmart when you're all the way back by the TV's, and you're in business.

Do you watch the Style channel on Cable all day to know this shit or do you read Cosmo and GQ?
 

uihawk82

Well-Known Member
Team effort absolutely, but at some point the offense needs to capitalize on those drives and get TDs instead of field goals to take the pressure off the defense and special teams.

Of course, without being said, even two of those 4 fgs having been turned into TDs would have been 40 points without Campbell's late picks.

But it is hard in the redzone without a crunching running game or 4 seconds to find a receiver.
 

NCHawker

Well-Known Member
I try to to see the argument here, but Nebraska's proved time and time again that they cannot play mistake free football. Mistake free football to Nebraska is the equivalent of Iowa's offense carrying our defense and special teams. From the top down they're undisciplined and undisciplined teams don't play mistake free.

I see this game playing out just as both teams have all season. Iowa's going to play safe and ride their defense...Nebraska's going to play overly aggressive and make mistakes. I see it coming down to the wire in a one score game as I don't think they have the patience to play mistake free and I don't think we have the fire power to take advantage of their turnovers.


I hope you're right about that but here is what I think will happen. Nebraska will throw medium to deep and shred Iowa's DBs the way Purdue and Clifford PSU did. Other teams just did not have the talent to do it.

Kirk and Brian are going to have to try to score touchdowns. Not 1 just per half. I hope someone comes to them in their dreams and delivers that message.
 
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uihawk82

Well-Known Member
Are you one of the people I described who got offended?

Nope, not me, doesnt worry me. Being retired, I almost always wear sweatpants in cooler/cold weather, flannel shirts or sweatshirts, white or gray gym type socks. Warm weather it is mostly shorts and simple shirts.

I buy a lot of my clothes at Goodwill (started about 20 years ago) or other places like that to give them money and save money even though I can afford nice dept. stores. When I was working I bought nearly brand new dress shirts and a suit or two for $5, and $40 . Why give a shit pot full of money to Kohls' etc. I have wanted a nice, long winter type dress coat/rain coat to replace my old one and I found a very nice Oleg Cassini coat for $5 at the DAV to keep my legs nice and warm down to my mid-calves. I am sure I will look like a DANDY, as they say, with my shoulder epaulets, double breasted buttons, and waist belt, but that is OK. hahaha.
 

ssckelley

Well-Known Member
1. Sorry. No tanning exceptions. Wear a white or light colored dri-fit material shirt. They're so light they're almost nonexistent. Nobody wants to see us shirtless. It scares little kids and 25 year old women will get grossed out.

I stopped caring what 25 year old women think about 15 years ago. Real men don't wear a fucking shirt into the pool or when on the beach. We show off our beer belly and hairy chest and don't give a shit who is grossed out. It's on page 25 of your real man handbook.
 

Fryowa

Administrator
I try to to see the argument here, but Nebraska's proved time and time again that they cannot play mistake free football. Mistake free football to Nebraska is the equivalent of Iowa's offense carrying our defense and special teams. From the top down they're undisciplined and undisciplined teams don't play mistake free.

I see this game playing out just as both teams have all season. Iowa's going to play safe and ride their defense...Nebraska's going to play overly aggressive and make mistakes. I see it coming down to the wire in a one score game as I don't think they have the patience to play mistake free and I don't think we have the fire power to take advantage of their turnovers.
Remember, no Hankins, Roberts, or Koerner, or if Koerner does play he's not going to be 100%.

Frost isn't going to throw Belton's way, so if Martinez gets time he's going to absolutely torch us through the air.

Illinois' QB is absolute trash and he threw for his highest yardage total of the season against us by far. That's bad enough, but he had his highest yardage total and only threw 44%.

The way I see this there are two choices. Get Micah Hyde and Desmond King to show up and hope no one notices, or sack Martinez early and often. Otherwise Hawks drop this one big time. That crowd is going to be the loudest one in Memorial Stadium all year, and their players are going to be amped to the max because this is their Super Bowl now.
 

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