OFFICIAL FIRE TIM LESTER THREAD

[FabFew]

FIRE TIM (WICKED) LESTER

 

[Hawkboys]

Lived in Burge Hall for two years and never once shat in the bathrooms there. Place was a complete wreck with vomit on the bathroom floors most of the time. Would always just dump in Phillips Hall. Carried a roll of TP in my backpack at all times.

I lived in Burge my freshman year and some dude on our floor used to use the shower to take his daily dumps. It took them a couple of weeks to figure out who and he was expelled. Imagine having to explain that to your friends, parents and future employers.

 

[NCHawker]

Bread making is a hobby of mine. What results are you looking for that you aren't getting?

not getting wide open crumb. Often its more dense than I want, I watch the youtube videos ad nauseum. So far sticking to white bread until I get better.

Also want to find recipies that use g rather than volume measures.

 

[NCHawker]

Had a hemorrhoidectomy few months back, since then I’ve almost shit myself at least once a week. My new butthole and I are getting to know each other again, quite interesting and exciting time for me. Also think it has to do with adding Metamucil to my daily intake, as an older guy I value it more than gold. Worth it though, best decision ever and worth the pain. I’m always dropping and picking up the soap in the shower now to flash the wife my new brown eye.

so much for the story about my friend's Adodicktome

 

[Chickenlounge]

I had to take a shit in an engineering building once when I was on campus. After I was done, I realized there was no TP. Had to use my boxers and leave them behind. Super awkward walk home...

 

[99topdawg]

fire tim lester

Uh oh. Normal size font. No caps. No bold letters. Are you coming around to the idea?

 

[NCHawker]

lire fim tester

 

[Fryowa]

not getting wide open crumb. Often its more dense than I want, I watch the youtube videos ad nauseum. So far sticking to white bread until I get better.

Also want to find recipies that use g rather than volume measures.

Are you using a stand mixer, hand kneading, or no-knead recipe?

Below is result of a no-knead recipe I love even though I have a stand mixer, farther inside was actually more open than that.

Some tips on getting an open crumb...

1) Use a high quality, high-protein flour, and bread flour isn't required. Store brand flour is notoriously low-protein and even worse it's inconsistent which sucks for people learning because they can get drastically different results even when doing the identical process. King Arthur is the best you'll find widely available in the States. High-protein and very consistent. Store-brand flour sucks. HyVee as an example just contracts with a bagging plant to buy white flour and put it in a certain bag. The bagging plant will buy the absolute cheapest flour from the supplier with the lowest offered price and it could come from anywhere and be any level of freshness. It's good for just about everything, but not for making good quality bread.

2) Don't overwork the dough in proofing and preshaping

3) High hydration recipes on the longer end of fermentation times are the easiest to get good crumb. You don't need high hydration and long ferment recipes, but they give the best chances for people who aren't looking for ultracomplex or finnicky recipes.

 

[Fryowa]

I had to take a shit in an engineering building once when I was on campus. After I was done, I realized there was no TP. Had to use my boxers and leave them behind. Super awkward walk home...

No shame in it. You do what you have to do to survive...adapt, improvise, and overcome.

 

[MelroseHawkins]

Are you using a stand mixer, hand kneading, or no-knead recipe?

Below is result of a no-knead recipe I love even though I have a stand mixer, farther inside was actually more open than that.

Some tips on getting an open crumb...

1) Use a high quality, high-protein flour, and bread flour isn't required. Store brand flour is notoriously low-protein and even worse it's inconsistent which sucks for people learning because they can get drastically different results even when doing the identical process. King Arthur is the best you'll find widely available in the States. High-protein and very consistent. Store-brand flour sucks. HyVee as an example just contracts with a bagging plant to buy white flour and put it in a certain bag. The bagging plant will buy the absolute cheapest flour from the supplier with the lowest offered price and it could come from anywhere and be any level of freshness. It's good for just about everything, but not for making good quality bread.

2) Don't overwork the dough in proofing and preshaping

3) High hydration recipes on the longer end of fermentation times are the easiest to get good crumb. You don't need high hydration and long ferment recipes, but they give the best chances for people who aren't looking for ultracomplex or finnicky recipes.

View attachment 10882

What the hell is "good crumb"? Is it fluffiness and lightness?

 

[MelroseHawkins]

No shame in it. You do what you have to do to survive...adapt, improvise, and overcome.

This is the exact reason I carry an Iowa State flag or towel on me all the time. Just in case.

 

[NCHawker]

Are you using a stand mixer, hand kneading, or no-knead recipe?

Below is result of a no-knead recipe I love even though I have a stand mixer, farther inside was actually more open than that.

Some tips on getting an open crumb...

1) Use a high quality, high-protein flour, and bread flour isn't required. Store brand flour is notoriously low-protein and even worse it's inconsistent which sucks for people learning because they can get drastically different results even when doing the identical process. King Arthur is the best you'll find widely available in the States. High-protein and very consistent. Store-brand flour sucks. HyVee as an example just contracts with a bagging plant to buy white flour and put it in a certain bag. The bagging plant will buy the absolute cheapest flour from the supplier with the lowest offered price and it could come from anywhere and be any level of freshness. It's good for just about everything, but not for making good quality bread.

2) Don't overwork the dough in proofing and preshaping

3) High hydration recipes on the longer end of fermentation times are the easiest to get good crumb. You don't need high hydration and long ferment recipes, but they give the best chances for people who aren't looking for ultracomplex or finnicky recipes.

View attachment 10882

Thanks I use King Aurthur. That looks like a winner there.

 

[Fryowa]

This is the exact reason I carry an Iowa State flag or towel on me all the time. Just in case.

My uncle had a dart board made with his ex wife's face printed on it in his garage. It was a really nice one too, not a cork cheapie

 

[Fryowa]

What the hell is "good crumb"? Is it fluffiness and lightness?

Lot's of air pockets and holes. Think like a sponge.

Open crumb is lots of air and openness, the opposite end of the spectrum is "dense" crumb. Think cake or wonderbread. Not what most bread makers are going for.

 

[MelroseHawkins]

My uncle had a dart board made with his ex wife's face printed on it in his garage. It was a really nice one too, not a cork cheapie

That's gold, Jerry, that's gold.

 

[thedukeofearl]

I had to take a shit in an engineering building once when I was on campus. After I was done, I realized there was no TP. Had to use my boxers and leave them behind. Super awkward walk home...

One can always hang his ass over the sink and rinse off

Works every time for me

Occasionally there is a shocked citizen

But that's what can happen while using a public restroom

 

[thedukeofearl]

Are you using a stand mixer, hand kneading, or no-knead recipe?

Below is result of a no-knead recipe I love even though I have a stand mixer, farther inside was actually more open than that.

Some tips on getting an open crumb...

1) Use a high quality, high-protein flour, and bread flour isn't required. Store brand flour is notoriously low-protein and even worse it's inconsistent which sucks for people learning because they can get drastically different results even when doing the identical process. King Arthur is the best you'll find widely available in the States. High-protein and very consistent. Store-brand flour sucks. HyVee as an example just contracts with a bagging plant to buy white flour and put it in a certain bag. The bagging plant will buy the absolute cheapest flour from the supplier with the lowest offered price and it could come from anywhere and be any level of freshness. It's good for just about everything, but not for making good quality bread.

2) Don't overwork the dough in proofing and preshaping

3) High hydration recipes on the longer end of fermentation times are the easiest to get good crumb. You don't need high hydration and long ferment recipes, but they give the best chances for people who aren't looking for ultracomplex or finnicky recipes.

View attachment 10882

Looks tasty

At the beginning of the Covid situation, I started baking raisin bread, hand kneaded, all natural ingredients, and delicious

I used Gold Medal Unbleached

Since then I have been getting fresh baked bread at Hy-Vee, I check the expiration dates and give
the loaf the squeeze test, if in doubt I ask the bakers if there are any fresh baked loaves

They are surprisingly polite

 

[thedukeofearl]

My uncle had a dart board made with his ex wife's face printed on it in his garage. It was a really nice one too, not a cork cheapie

God Bless Him

 

[NCHawker]

All this talk about poop, here I am with a case of the runs - started with an explosives moment this afternoon, glad was home

 

[MelroseHawkins]

All this talk about poop, here I am with a case of the runs - started with an explosives moment this afternoon, glad was home

Lol. Hope all is going well.