I mean really, Coach Ferentz, what have you done for us lately?
Oh, you won the Orange Bowl? Maybe you actually do know what you're doing.
If only you'd listened to us, though! We all totally led our teams to third place in the Heartland Conference! Either way, you need a long look in the mirror. Cancel your plans to watch film, and, you know, game plan for Michigan State. You should be thinking about ways to fire Ken O'Keefe! That guy is so bad that sometimes the team loses games! WTF is that? Also, take your long-snapper aside and tell him he supposed to snap the ball TO the holder! I mean, come on! And I don't think the O-line knows this, but they're supposed to BLOCK the other team during an extra point attempt! You probably would have gone over this stuff if you weren't so focused on playing close to the vest and being content with winning 8-9 games.
Also, WHY DON'T YOU START EVERY DRIVE WITH A THROW TO THE END ZONE!!!! DON'T YOU WANT TO SCORE TOUCHDOWNS!!! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT NO TEAM HAS EVER SCORED A TOUCHDOWN RUNNING THE BALL!!! YOU'VE GOT TO THROW, MAN! TOUCHDOWNS DON'T COUNT UNLESS YOU ARE THROWING THE BALL!
Oh, you say Stanzi threw 37 times out of 67 plays? Huh. Still, though. Look in mirror. Maybe it will show you how to be a champion.