I got busted today, just got home from jail

CHShawk said:
You're chillin on Melrose with your buddy named Paco!
You cracked one open just for hard knocks, yo!
Some cop comes up and starts crampin your style!
He tells you to pour it out, you big fat pile!

You gotta fight! For your right! To PARTY!

You follow his rules to ditch the booze!
But you crack one open cause you refuse to lose!
The cop cuffs you up and takes you downtown!
Your just showin your son how to wear the crown!

You gotta fight! For your right! To PARTY!

You get out of jail, mad, cause you missed the game!
You know these new rules make life really lame!
Your gonna file suit even if you spent time in jail!
Because in the end your dumber than a nail!

You gotta fight! For your right! To PARTY!
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This just keeps getting more funny. Great work!
 
DuffMan said:
Does it involve this woman?

KeIZA.jpg
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lmfaooo AC's stalker PERFECT! I bet she has Paco in her basement!
 
I have a court date Sept 23rd, I was hoping that the magnificent one, the one and only one, Mr. "Whatevah'" Jon Miller would appear and explain to the judge that all of this was just a big old pile of BS. I'm sure Mr. Miller will be able to get all these charges dropped. But, since I'm sure Jon will be busy 'blogging' I'll be butting heads with the law regarding these trumped up charges but then, ah ha, the tables will turn when I sue the U. for millions.

But, back to the BSU-VT game! My bud Jellybean threw a wicked partay, we ate drank and we be merry all night with absolutely NO FUZZ effing up our good time!

Watch out U. and all the lawdogs, I'll soon be one of those fat cats up in the luxury suites, talking trash and spending cash. I gave you all the chance to jump in for a class action lawsuit but guess I'll keep all the bread for myself
 
MelroseGuy said:
I have a court date Sept 23rd, I was hoping that the magnificent one, the one and only one, Mr. "Whatevah'" Jon Miller would appear and explain to the judge that all of this was just a big old pile of BS. I'm sure Mr. Miller will be able to get all these charges dropped. But, since I'm sure Jon will be busy 'blogging' I'll be butting heads with the law regarding these trumped up charges but then, ah ha, the tables will turn when I sue the U. for millions.

But, back to the BSU-VT game! My bud Jellybean threw a wicked partay, we ate drank and we be merry all night with absolutely NO FUZZ effing up our good time!

Watch out U. and all the lawdogs, I'll soon be one of those fat cats up in the luxury suites, talking trash and spending cash. I gave you all the chance to jump in for a class action lawsuit but guess I'll keep all the bread for myself
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I have not looked at the calendar, but I can tell you that if Sep 23 is a Thursday, you'll get no help from JDM.
You see, Dr. Miller now operates on Thursdays. His operating theater? Why, the Big Ten Network Studios. Yes, that's right. EVERY Thursday for perpetuity, Dr. Miller will be taking and reporting the vital signs, yea the actual PULSE, of Big Ten Nation.
You were right to seek Dr. Miller's aid, but your timing was poor.
Alas, don't kick yourself. We are all but flies in the afterbirth, compared with the mighty Dr. Miller.
 
Guess I'll just have to subpoena the oracle of the air (and web)!

Heck, the Big Ten Network should cover my case. This will be a fight for all fans of the Big Ten to fight for your right to partay

What also ticked me off were all the small town loser cops (like a West Branch, Coralville, North Liberty,etc.), you know, the cops that cant' get real jobs in real cities? Anyway, why are all these pigs hired as tin stars for the games. Out of your jurisdictions, Baby!!!
 
MelroseGuy said:
Guess I'll just have to subpoena the oracle of the air (and web)!

Heck, the Big Ten Network should cover my case. This will be a fight for all fans of the Big Ten to fight for your right to partay

What also ticked me off were all the small town loser cops (like a West Branch, Coralville, North Liberty,etc.), you know, the cops that cant' get real jobs in real cities? Anyway, why are all these pigs hired as tin stars for the games. Out of your jurisdictions, Baby!!!
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Three pieces of advice (pro bono, of course):
1. Retain F. Lee Bailey. Yes, I realize he is 92% dead, but FLee at his worst is better than most solicitors at their best. If FLee dies between now and Sep 23, retain Dan Webb.
2. Go after the very deepest pockets you can find. (This is not a billiards reference.) By definition, personal injury litigation is predatory and unmerciful. Since you clearly have a legitimate tort to pursue, your attorney will necessarily work night and day to obtain for you the largest possible settlement (expressed in whole USD).
5. Get your story straight with Paco and Ed and at least three dozen witnesses. This is critical. You will each be compelled under the auspices and penumbra of the US Declaration of Independence to identify and testify one another. So you need to practice your lines and elocution. Your counsel will advise you as to what to wear, how to pronounce certain words, and likely will provide you with hair spray and dentures, as required.
Finally, good luck!
 
VintageHawkeye said:
Three pieces of advice (pro bono, of course):
1. Retain F. Lee Bailey. Yes, I realize he is 92% dead, but FLee at his worst is better than most solicitors at their best. If FLee dies between now and Sep 23, retain Dan Webb.
2. Go after the very deepest pockets you can find. (This is not a billiards reference.) By definition, personal injury litigation is predatory and unmerciful. Since you clearly have a legitimate tort to pursue, your attorney will necessarily work night and day to obtain for you the largest possible settlement (expressed in whole USD).
5. Get your story straight with Paco and Ed and at least three dozen witnesses. This is critical. You will each be compelled under the auspices and penumbra of the US Declaration of Independence to identify and testify one another. So you need to practice your lines and elocution. Your counsel will advise you as to what to wear, how to pronounce certain words, and likely will provide you with hair spray and dentures, as required.
Finally, good luck!
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1 - 2 - 5

Love it.

MelroseGuy, maybe you should have used the Holy Hand Grenade.
 
Lightning does in fact often strike the same place multiple times. In fact if you see something get struck by lightning, it indicates a higher probability of the phenomenon being repeated. Lightning strikes are a function of three variables: Altitude, isolation, and shape. In other words, the highest, most isolated, most pointed object is the most likely target for a lightning strike. It's why the Empire State building is struck repeatedly. Also, contrary to conventional wisdom, metal does not attract lightning. It does however very efficiently conduct the electricity if struck.

OK, carry on.
 
I heard you should never pick the same Lotto number as whatever won last time. Because what are the chances it would be the same, right? That's what I heard.
 
Billso said:
I heard you should never pick the same Lotto number as whatever won last time. Because what are the chances it would be the same, right? That's what I heard.
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If you heard this hear on the interwebz, it's true. I assure you.

And I'll say it again: your avatar is WIN.
 
ATTENTION!!! LAST CHANCE TO JOIN IN ON A CLASS ACTION SUIT !!!

I went lawyer shopping this morning, talked to 3 and they all want a big fat sum before they'll take my case. I'm a little short on moolah right now but have 2 choices,

could solicit donations from fellow hawkeye fans (like yourselves), or,

give a last call for all to join a class action lawsuit,, this way, the winnings are shared with the participants.

WHO'S IN?
 
MelroseGuy said:
ATTENTION!!! LAST CHANCE TO JOIN IN ON A CLASS ACTION SUIT !!!

I went lawyer shopping this morning, talked to 3 and they all want a big fat sum before they'll take my case. I'm a little short on moolah right now but have 2 choices,

could solicit donations from fellow hawkeye fans (like yourselves), or,

give a last call for all to join a class action lawsuit,, this way, the winnings are shared with the participants.

WHO'S IN?
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Can this wait until after the wisky game on 10/23? I may gain inclusion to the class after that weekend.
Pls ask your lawyer to negotiate for an extended period of discovery.
 
MelroseGuy said:
ATTENTION!!! LAST CHANCE TO JOIN IN ON A CLASS ACTION SUIT !!!

I went lawyer shopping this morning, talked to 3 and they all want a big fat sum before they'll take my case. I'm a little short on moolah right now but have 2 choices,

could solicit donations from fellow hawkeye fans (like yourselves), or,

give a last call for all to join a class action lawsuit,, this way, the winnings are shared with the participants.

WHO'S IN?
Click to expand...

Sounds like none of the lawyers you talked to smell money from the potential suit.
 
MelroseGuy said:
Minding my own business, sipping a cold one while strolling down Melrose. Cop comes up to me and gives me choice of dumping beer or a trip downtown. Well, I dumped the beer and was let go to head to game.

My buddy Paco hands me another cold one he had tucked away in his hip bag. I figured that I couldn't get busted twice, right? Lightning don't strike in same spot twice. Well, after cracking the top guess what...the same Mr. Cop was in my face. He proceeded to arrest me for open container and public intox. I told him it's a free country and I have a right to enjoy a beer. Mr. Cop didn't like my beligerence and attempts to cuff and stuff me. Well, it takes more then one cop to take me down! Took 3 of those dudes, those SOB's pounded me to the pavement and also busted Paco.

I guess it must of been quite a scene for the lookie lou's on Melrose as the fuzz dragged me and Paco to a squad car. Got thrown into the drunk tank at the Johnson County jail and called my mom to bail us out. Sounds like, along with the charges, we will be banned from being on Univiersity property. I guess there was a warrant out for me on some other phony charges, I just wonder if somebody recognized me and reported me to the cops on Melrose and the beer charges were just a ruse to approach me and apprhend me

I just got home and am prepared to sue President Mason, Gary Barta and the Iowa athletic department for my troubles. I want to be reimbursed or the tickets to the game which we ddin't get to see, for the public embarrsment and police brutality. Sorry for the rant guys, I always like lurking Hawkeyenation and just need to have some of my hawkeye brothers to have my back.

Contact the University and have them repeal this bogus new alcohol rules NOW!!! Better yet, let's boycott all the home games, we'll see how the U. likes an empty stadium on Saturdays. HOw would you like trumped up charges put on you?
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mugshot or it never happened
 
I LOL'ed at the "its a free country." Will that work other times you are breaking the law? Maybe for a DUI or assault?

*for the record, i am 100% against the open container enforcement on Saturdays ... I dont think it helps anything. but ... you sir, are a certified idiot.
 
The OP's story reminds me of a story of when I was in college, I was working the custodial staff at the dorms a few hours a week (they would hire students), and a guy I worked with, who wasn't too bright, got caught sneaking to his dorm room while on the clock. After convincing the manager not to fire him, he goes back to his dorm room again, THE SAME DAY, and gets caught AGAIN. He was fired on the spot.

Brilliant.
 
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