@Fryowa so have you ever been tossed as a ref letting a coach or parent have it back?
You guys won't believe this but I've actually never said a word to a spectator. I let it roll off; I apparently have whatever gene it is that makes me not care if someone is mad at me (unless I deserve it)
I've had coaches lose their minds over calls before, but generally when you give them a warning they back off. It's when officials let it keep going that it gets bad. You have to nicely jump on it right away.
If I get a screamer coach, I generally call time out and walk over to him. When you're 60 feet apart and both have to yell at each other to be heard, two things happen...
1) You don't hear what the other is saying and it leads to more of a shit show than you started with, and
2) When you're conversing at a distance the crowd can hear you and those idiots are like a school of piranhas. Whatever you do keep the crowd out of it and don't yell back because they can hear you and they know you can't kick them out.
I usually say something to the effect of, "Mike/Bill/Tom (never call them "Coach"), you can be mad at me if you want, but we're not going to do this right now. Neither one of us has time for it." I'll explain the call if I can (under no circumstances ever throw your partner under the bus), and then I start walking away. If he follows and keeps ranting I let him know that it's going to be an ejection, and if that doesn't do it or he says something insulting I do the heave ho. I think I've ejected coaches maybe four times in my life, the vast majority let it rest after they blow a little steam off. Either way I try not to let it go more than 30-40 seconds for the whole exchange. After that you look unprofessional and look like you're not in control of the game.
Players it happens more and obviously your tolerance for BS is way lower. High school boys are hormoned up, and after watching pro athletes argue on TV they get funny ideas. Last year the only kid I tossed was a freshman first baseman, he didn't like a safe call, told my partner "That was bullshit," and got tossed. On his way out he turned around to my partner and goes, "Whatever man, that's fine." If it were my son he'd be done playing sports for the rest of his high school career, but that's just me.
Again, I know you guys won't believe it, but there are officials who toss a hell of a lot more people than me. Some are thin skinned, and some don't know how to deescalate.