Screw it. Here's my story. My mom was divorced with 2 kids bu the time she was 21. Around 10 a step dad came into the picture that made finances better but life in general way worse. He wasnt the most abusive guy in the world but it was pretty bad. They moved away as soon as I graduated high school, leaving me to find my way with no help at all. I wanted to go to school but had no idea how to do it or pay for it. I stumbled across a trade and took the one thing I learned from my step dad (going to work every day) and turned it into a profession where I make pretty good money. You could argue that I had white privilege because i ended up with a step dad who sucked balls and taught me work ethic by example, but in my opinion thay argument would be racist if you try to make it. Maybe guys like me are more triggered at the term then others, but I'm equally sure there are black guys out there who worked their asses off who are triggered by it too. It's easy to grow up with white privilege and condemn others for not believing in it. It's a lit harder to grow up with no privilege at all and still recognize it. Especially when you've dedicated your whole life to breaking the family mold of waiting for handouts.
Just because you were disadvantaged in many ways, that does not eliminate the fact that you were advantaged by the color of your skin.
There can be a black man who grows up with many advantages across many different dimensions, but he still deals with the disadvantage of his skin color.
White privilege does not negate all you have accomplished, nor does it condemn your character. But it is a fact of life in this country (and many others). Try to take a step back from your own emotional reaction to the term (I tend to have the same reaction), and just listen to what black people are saying about their lives. And whenever you find yourself saying, "It can't be that bad, this guy has to be embellishing to gain sympathy or prove a point," notice it, and then think about how you would interpret the same story if it was being told to you by your best, white friend.
Here is part of my own story: I haven't been on my own facebook page for months, but I spent a little time scrolling through stuff this morning. There is this guy (black) I played football with in college, one of the best dudes I know. We are "invite each other to our weddings" close, but not "have each other in our wedding-parties" close. But he is the kind of guy that is so caring, thoughtful, talented, etc. that I feel a bit inferior at times when I compare myself to him. Again, just a good dude.
So this guys writes out a thoughtful, carefully crafted piece on how this latest incident has affected him more than any of the previous, and how it has really made him reflect on being black in America. And he was talking about all of the things he worries about, from picking his jogging routes to making sure he has a plan in case he is pulled over to how he is perceived when he coaches his mostly white athletes at an Iowa high school.
My first thought when reading this: "Come on, it can't be that bad, this is Iowa for Pete's sake, we're friendly to everyone!" I had to catch myself. Why would I distrust what this guy is saying? Of all the good people I know, he is right up there. But my natural tendency was to disbelieve. Because if there are a lot of crappy aspects to being black, that is an indictment on my country, on my race, and on me...and that doesn't feel good.
I think we need to face the pain that comes with the realization that we have failed in some ways as humans. For most it was not malicious, and human failure does not make any of us unique (rather it bonds us with another 8 billion or so on this planet). But that realization is going to help us to start listening without judging, and to treat others as we want to be treated.
