I think the following hypothetical situation would be the only thing that would appease some fans:
(Cut to scene: KF in 4 star recruits living room trying to close the deal)
KF: Listen, Johnny, we really want to you to be a Hawkeye. We have a strong tradition of producing winning teams, a great education and graduation rate and the opportunity to play football at the next level should you work hard and have the talent necessary. While we're not flashy, the foundation we will provide to you will not only help you on the field, but in life.
Johnny: Sounds good coach, but Michigan and Nebraska are high on my list as well.
KF: I understand. Those are fine schools, but as you have seen with your recruiting visits and attending the Iowa-Ohio State game at Kinnick, I think if you really think about it you know being a Hawkeye is special.
Johnny: Coach, my parents and I have discussed it and with the winning program and strong graduation rate, I will be a Hawkeye.
KF: That's great Johnny. Oh by way, I have had alot of pressure put on me by the media, fans and school administration to be 100% accountable for each of my players actions. You know, you're 18 yrs old and despite everything your parents have taught you and the lessons and values our coaching staff will instill in you during your time on the team, you're still an idiot like most 18 year old boys.
So we have a few little things we will require in order to keep track of your every action. Really not a big deal.
Johnny: Like what coach?
KF: Well first off you will live in university housing.
Johnny: OK, not a problem.
KF: The university housing has surveillance cameras on 24/7 tracking your every move and you can only enter by key card. No non-football players will be allowed to enter. Parents can visit, but only in the designated areas. You will be allowed to leave for classes and practice.
Johnny: OK.....
KF: When you do leave you will be required to wear an ankle bracelet with GPS and alchohol/drug detection abilities. Not a big deal.
Johnny: OK....
KF: Oh, also, when you use the restroom, your urine and other waste will be analyzed for illicit substances. Not that you would take anything illegal, but it also allows us to make sure you are eating your brocholli.
Johnny: OK....
KF: See, Johnny it's not that bad. It's not like prison at all and with all these devices, me and my coaching staff can keep track of your every single waking moment of your life at Iowa. Of course, we will make time to conduct practices, put together game plans, recruit, help raise money for the program if we have some time. I know we're stretched a little thin with our duties as coaches to produce winning teams but should be ok since we took the advice of several of our message boards fans and hired a QB coach.
Johnny: OK, coach. I'm definately in!