STLhawkeye20
Well-Known Member
I had a dream once that I was an omniscient third party observer to an interaction between Gary Barta and Kirk Ferentz.
The two meet at Finkbine for a round of golf sometime in mid-May of 2015. It's the most boring round of golf ever played. Both of them are consistently hitting their 7 irons from the tee 120 yards into the middle fareway on every single hole.
Barta wants to be risky and indulge in a beer and a cigar but Ferentz won't let him because the smell bothers him. Then Barta asks "Hey Kirk you mind if I check my phone real quick?" and of course Kirk responds by saying "come on Gary we've been over this before. No phones on the golf course."
Barta quickly puts his phone in his pocket and the pair continue to the next hole discussing their upcoming European vacations.
Kirk: "Yeah I'm taking the fam to Rome in June. Gonna be beautiful!"
Gary: "No way! I'm taking my wife on a month long vacation to Venice in June! We should meet up!"
Kirk: "Ok we can try to execute that"
As Barta and Ferentz ride the cart down the fareway at the 18th, they finally broach the touchy subject. Kirk asks Barta, "Hey Gary it would be great if you extended my contract through 2025 with a little pay raise. With the high cost of living in Iowa City it's kind of hard to sustain myself on only 3.5 million dollars per year. Taxes and college expenses and all you know? Could you draw up the papers and send them to my attorney?"
Barta: "Honestly Kirk I would love to. But we need to be careful about this. It would look suspicious to sign such a lucrative deal coming off a bad season and bad bowl loss. Hell, coaches who win national championships don't get these kind of deals. Look at Gene Chizik at Auburn. Look at Les Miles at LSU. I know you like doing things your way, but can you make a few minor adjustments - just for one season I promise then things can go back to normal - and get us to 9 or 10 wins. I'll have the papers drafted and ready to go just hit nine or ten wins, which I think you can do against our favorable schedule, and then the contract won't raise eyebrows - sound good?"
Kirk: "Ok."
Gary: "You're not thinking about leaving us are you?"
Kirk: "No, I haven't been contacted by an NFL team or another college team since 2002."
Gary: "Oh ok just wondering. Sounds good. I'll have our lawyers start drafting the papers"
They both lay up their birdie puts on the 18th green, the golf match ends in a tie, and Kirk and Gary both go home and go to bed.
The end.
The two meet at Finkbine for a round of golf sometime in mid-May of 2015. It's the most boring round of golf ever played. Both of them are consistently hitting their 7 irons from the tee 120 yards into the middle fareway on every single hole.
Barta wants to be risky and indulge in a beer and a cigar but Ferentz won't let him because the smell bothers him. Then Barta asks "Hey Kirk you mind if I check my phone real quick?" and of course Kirk responds by saying "come on Gary we've been over this before. No phones on the golf course."
Barta quickly puts his phone in his pocket and the pair continue to the next hole discussing their upcoming European vacations.
Kirk: "Yeah I'm taking the fam to Rome in June. Gonna be beautiful!"
Gary: "No way! I'm taking my wife on a month long vacation to Venice in June! We should meet up!"
Kirk: "Ok we can try to execute that"
As Barta and Ferentz ride the cart down the fareway at the 18th, they finally broach the touchy subject. Kirk asks Barta, "Hey Gary it would be great if you extended my contract through 2025 with a little pay raise. With the high cost of living in Iowa City it's kind of hard to sustain myself on only 3.5 million dollars per year. Taxes and college expenses and all you know? Could you draw up the papers and send them to my attorney?"
Barta: "Honestly Kirk I would love to. But we need to be careful about this. It would look suspicious to sign such a lucrative deal coming off a bad season and bad bowl loss. Hell, coaches who win national championships don't get these kind of deals. Look at Gene Chizik at Auburn. Look at Les Miles at LSU. I know you like doing things your way, but can you make a few minor adjustments - just for one season I promise then things can go back to normal - and get us to 9 or 10 wins. I'll have the papers drafted and ready to go just hit nine or ten wins, which I think you can do against our favorable schedule, and then the contract won't raise eyebrows - sound good?"
Kirk: "Ok."
Gary: "You're not thinking about leaving us are you?"
Kirk: "No, I haven't been contacted by an NFL team or another college team since 2002."
Gary: "Oh ok just wondering. Sounds good. I'll have our lawyers start drafting the papers"
They both lay up their birdie puts on the 18th green, the golf match ends in a tie, and Kirk and Gary both go home and go to bed.
The end.
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