As I understand it, the first one was supposedly one of the worst-kept secrets in Iowa City. Don't recall the second and third. The fourth is undeniably true.
From my understanding, number 2 and 3 are kind of open to interpretation.
Also, someone needs to understand what the use of quotation marks indicates. Christians without quotation marks means a group of religious followers. "Christians" is a quote, as in someone self-identified as a Christian. When used in the context of the original post, the quotation is clearly used sarcastically to mock SA's self-characterization, which flies in contrast to the tenets of Christianity.
Now, if one understands this and is still too sanctimonious to not be offended...