okeefe4prez
Well-Known Member
got pretty real as we lost water in Des Moines.
In this slow period, I was hoping people could share some stories.
Here's mine. It was Saturday, July 10 and I was hanging out at home. My uncle called and warned me that he was at a baseball game in Humboldt and claimed that he had just gone through the "biggest storm ever" and he assured me that Des Moines was fixing to get absolutely nailed because of all the tributaries that flowed into the forks of Des Moines River up that way. "Whatevs, dude."
A somewhat uneventful summer Saturday night ensued. We went to Tasty Tacos for supper. Then, I think it rained overnight. I woke up the next morning and took a piss and the toilet seemed to struggle with the flush. I was watching NECKAR stuff on TNN that morning so I hadn't checked the local TV. My mom rolled up to Hy-Vee to pick us up a few of those 99 cent breakfasts from the deli and saw the A-B truck in the parking lot handing out water and she found out the water works had been breached. She runs inside to call us from the phone because they were rationing water and each person could only get six cans or something, so me and my old man had to book it up there.
It was hotter than balls. I was wearing some shorts that were basically cut off zubas that were neon green and black. We waited in ungodly heat on the blacktop for what seemed like an eternity. Then, the Tasty Tacos hit me. I pinched with all of my life, but a turtle head peaked through. Told the old man I needed to run into the store to take care of some business.
No sir, shitter's closed. No water. Ugh, so I waddled back out and stood in line, sweat furling on my brow from (a) the heat and (b) the sheer exertion on my ass to keep my sphincter from ripping free because tighty whities and those zuba shorts would have given me away in a second.
I managed to keep it down to a turtlehead and get in my dad's '88 Sable, taking extreme caution to not push the turtlehead down because he would have murdered me if I got crap on his seat. I sat on my left cheek the whole ride home. I ran inside, grabbed a roll of toilet paper and ran into the woods behind our house to take a dump.
Dropped trou, I lost the damned gamble. The turtlehead had kissed underwear and my ass had an uncomfortably large shit splatter on it. I wiped as well as I could and begged the old man to let me shower for 30 seconds with the water left in the hot water heater. "NO. WE NEED THAT WATER IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY."
"THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, DAD."
Turns out that my old man knew he was gonna have the same crisis as me but he was unwilling to go back into the woods, so he used hot water tank water to flush his monster dump down the toilet and then he took a "quick shower" that drained the damned tank.
I was going through puberty and stunk to high hell. Luckily, my brother lived in a trailer up in Ames and my old man drove me up there to shower on Tuesday and then he took me to Humboldt to stay with my uncle, who couldn't say "told you so" enough.
Anyone else have similarly harrowing tales of crapping themselves in the Great Flood of 1993?
In this slow period, I was hoping people could share some stories.
Here's mine. It was Saturday, July 10 and I was hanging out at home. My uncle called and warned me that he was at a baseball game in Humboldt and claimed that he had just gone through the "biggest storm ever" and he assured me that Des Moines was fixing to get absolutely nailed because of all the tributaries that flowed into the forks of Des Moines River up that way. "Whatevs, dude."
A somewhat uneventful summer Saturday night ensued. We went to Tasty Tacos for supper. Then, I think it rained overnight. I woke up the next morning and took a piss and the toilet seemed to struggle with the flush. I was watching NECKAR stuff on TNN that morning so I hadn't checked the local TV. My mom rolled up to Hy-Vee to pick us up a few of those 99 cent breakfasts from the deli and saw the A-B truck in the parking lot handing out water and she found out the water works had been breached. She runs inside to call us from the phone because they were rationing water and each person could only get six cans or something, so me and my old man had to book it up there.
It was hotter than balls. I was wearing some shorts that were basically cut off zubas that were neon green and black. We waited in ungodly heat on the blacktop for what seemed like an eternity. Then, the Tasty Tacos hit me. I pinched with all of my life, but a turtle head peaked through. Told the old man I needed to run into the store to take care of some business.
No sir, shitter's closed. No water. Ugh, so I waddled back out and stood in line, sweat furling on my brow from (a) the heat and (b) the sheer exertion on my ass to keep my sphincter from ripping free because tighty whities and those zuba shorts would have given me away in a second.
I managed to keep it down to a turtlehead and get in my dad's '88 Sable, taking extreme caution to not push the turtlehead down because he would have murdered me if I got crap on his seat. I sat on my left cheek the whole ride home. I ran inside, grabbed a roll of toilet paper and ran into the woods behind our house to take a dump.
Dropped trou, I lost the damned gamble. The turtlehead had kissed underwear and my ass had an uncomfortably large shit splatter on it. I wiped as well as I could and begged the old man to let me shower for 30 seconds with the water left in the hot water heater. "NO. WE NEED THAT WATER IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY."
"THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, DAD."
Turns out that my old man knew he was gonna have the same crisis as me but he was unwilling to go back into the woods, so he used hot water tank water to flush his monster dump down the toilet and then he took a "quick shower" that drained the damned tank.
I was going through puberty and stunk to high hell. Luckily, my brother lived in a trailer up in Ames and my old man drove me up there to shower on Tuesday and then he took me to Humboldt to stay with my uncle, who couldn't say "told you so" enough.
Anyone else have similarly harrowing tales of crapping themselves in the Great Flood of 1993?
