"Billy, Arnold, Hingle McCringleberry, and all the rest of you campers, let's go over our excuse check-list together."
Weather? Check
Refs? Check
Players who graduated? Check
Players who are injured? Check
Noisy fans? Check
Sunlight in players eyes? Check
The Big Ten was easier when Fry coached and his OOC was pathetic also? Check
We won our superbowl on Sept 10th already? Check
Sloppy field? Check
Someone's relative died? Check
Road game? Check
Poor recruiting? Check
Dirty Illini players? Check
Trap game? Check
Iowa's coordinators suck? Check
Iowa has never been elite nor will it ever? Check
We're bowl eligible, stop complaining? Check
JB: "Okay campers have I forgotten anything? . . . I see your hand is up Hingle."
HM: "Mr. Brown, what about the head coach?"
JB: "Hingle, have you forgotten about the little known codicil in the Faber, I mean U of Iowa charter that reads: Anyone making 10 times as much as the governor will be declared King of the school and not be held accountable for anything. Said King will be protected by an army of blame-shifters paid a generous salary to produce propaganda while proclaiming him faultless in all things pertaining to his job."
HM: "Oh. I didn't know about that Mr. Brown."
JB: "Not your fault Hingle. The athletic director pays many people to keep you ignorant of reality."