I will first of all say, I am sorry for your loss. Much like the rest of group, I agree we need an outlet to grieve, and we often do not have that outlet or are taught or programmed that showing emotion is vulnerability or a sign of weakness. Completely false.
Much as their are different stages of grief, there are different ways we vent or handle it. I don't think you will find a member here that will pass judgment against you. IF anything, we have a great group of members who would encourage you to reach out and allow us to carry you when you are weak. Just know we are all here. Stay strong.