I know I said I wouldn’t come here until everything’s done, and other than this I’ll stick to that.
I give absolutely no shits which side of the panic gradient any of you reside on, but I’m dropping by to tell all you guys that I love you. I mean that. I’m as cynical as it comes—I’m not changing that, not a chance—but the single remaining family member that I keep in touch with died today from it. He was a heart patient, 64 years old (had a valve replacement at 44), and the exact type that we all knew wasn’t going to make it out alive if he got it. I talked callously about the situation earlier and I own it. Whether I was Kumbaya-ing or not it wouldn’t have kept him alive. It was my uncle and he had the same sense of humor as me. I got to talk to him on the phone three days ago and he made some hilariously morbid jokes as per our style, and in my opinion he died like a fucking Viking. He knew he was done for even though he didn’t come out and say it.
My cousins and I are going to have a humongous party for him at some point this summer since we can’t get together now. Just to give you an idea how funny this dude was, he was a meat cutter his entire adult life, managing meat departments in a couple different grocery stores in SW Minnesota over the past 35 years. Everybody called him “The Butch” (butcher). He told me the other day when he first got to the hospital that he wanted the following on his headstone... “Here lies The Butch. He just couldn’t cut it anymore.” He was joking at the time and wasn’t planning on dying from this deal, but I’m making sure that headstone gets made up.
There will be plenty of time in a few months for all of us to toss blame around and call each other low life douche bags for our approach to how we should have responded. But everyone should F off until then.
Or not, I guess.
Yell at each other if you want, and keep posting your stupid opposing twitter snippets. I’m sure it’ll help resolve everything quicker, lol.
“We shoulda done this!!!”
“F you, we didn’t need to do that. See what this guy said on Twitter, you asshole?!? It has to be true because it’s on twitter and it fits my narrative! And your narrative is dumb!!!”
“Bullshit, the twitter scientists that I follow said this particular bullshit, and yours wasn’t peer-reviewed and had too small of a sample size, so F you...we shoulda done this, because the shit I found on twitter is what’s REALLY going on, you asshole!!!”
You guys are fucking dolts. Both sides of ya.
My 13 yo’s two remaining grandparents are 64 and 69 respectively, they live in Ocean City, MD and both have it. They ain’t coming home. One is on a vent and the other says she doesn’t want to do it (apparently where there at there’s no shortage), my kid’s mom is driving out there as we speak. She’s in Indiana as of about an hour ago. I’m worried about that one, she’s not handling it too well. Total wreck.
Anyway fellas, you can save the replies telling me how you think this or that about the response to the virus, there’s no possible way I could give a F less what any of you think we shoulda/coulda/woulda done. No offense, but right, left, or middle, your opinions on this whole deal are as worthless to the outcome as hen shit on a pump handle. Stick your world-saving game plans up your asses sideways and give ‘em a nice healthy spin in my name. I love you guys and I hope everyone here is okay through the summer and that none of your friends or family get sick. See you SOBs in a few weeks or months.
I’ll be back to spread discontent before you know it. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.
