NCHawker
Well-Known Member
The 5 Stages of Grief.
The stages of mourning are universal and are experienced by football fans when there team grossly falls short of expectations. Mourning occurs in response to a favorite team losing games when the fan thinks they should not; as well as in response to individual’s own terminal illness or to the death of a valued being, human or animal. There are five stages of normal grief. They were first proposed by Elsabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying.â€
1. Denial and Isolation
The first reaction to learning that the team stinks is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.
2. Anger
As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. We get on message boards and blow off steam and blast anyone who disagrees with us. Anger may be directed at our team or players, the Athletic Director or even Jon Miller or Gary Dophin. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry. Remember, grieving is a personal process that has no time limit, nor one “right†way to do it.
3. Bargaining
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–
•If only we had changed out the staff sooner
•If only we got better recruits
•If only we had negotiated a better contract
Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.
4. Depression
Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the costs and burial (ticket costs and what people will say to us at work). We worry that, in our grief, we have alienated our loved one’s by throwing things at the TV, getting drunk and storming around the house. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our favorite team farewell.
~ Sometimes all we really need is a hug. ~
5. Acceptance (where HN seems to be now)
Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.
Coping with loss of a winning team is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others (on the forum) can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing.
The stages of mourning are universal and are experienced by football fans when there team grossly falls short of expectations. Mourning occurs in response to a favorite team losing games when the fan thinks they should not; as well as in response to individual’s own terminal illness or to the death of a valued being, human or animal. There are five stages of normal grief. They were first proposed by Elsabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying.â€
1. Denial and Isolation
The first reaction to learning that the team stinks is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.
2. Anger
As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. We get on message boards and blow off steam and blast anyone who disagrees with us. Anger may be directed at our team or players, the Athletic Director or even Jon Miller or Gary Dophin. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry. Remember, grieving is a personal process that has no time limit, nor one “right†way to do it.
3. Bargaining
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–
•If only we had changed out the staff sooner
•If only we got better recruits
•If only we had negotiated a better contract
Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.
4. Depression
Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the costs and burial (ticket costs and what people will say to us at work). We worry that, in our grief, we have alienated our loved one’s by throwing things at the TV, getting drunk and storming around the house. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our favorite team farewell.
~ Sometimes all we really need is a hug. ~
5. Acceptance (where HN seems to be now)
Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.
Coping with loss of a winning team is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others (on the forum) can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing.
