Reminds me of the story of two old, miserly sons-of-you-know-what. They are members of a church (though they rarely attend) and constantly call the pastor to complain about how money is spent, why should the church help the poor who should be helping themselves, how come the pastor got a raise, why are the kids not dressing in their Sunday best any more, etc., etc.
One brother dies. The surviving brother tells the pastor, "Here is a blank check. You can fill in any amount up to $1 million for the church fund. But...you HAVE to give my brother a glowing eulogy!"
So, during the funeral, the pastor says the following:
"Our deceased brother was a piece of crap, miserly, boorish, self-centered, egotistical son-of-a-*****. He refused to help the poor and downtrodden, refused to help church families who fell on hard times, refused to comfort church members who lost loved ones. He didn't give one thin dime to help underprivileged teens go to college. He demanded three personal parking spaces even though he rarely came to church, save for Christmas and Easter. He never gave money or canned goods for food drives. He never gave to clothing drives. He owned three cars, but couldn't help with rides to church for our elderly or unfortunate. In short, brothers and sisters, this guy was major a-hole." The pastor, with a flourish, draws a pen from his pocket and announces, "But there is a check here, made out to the church, for $1 million!"
At this point, the surviving brother is fuming, then stands up and screams, "Did you forget what I told you?!"
The pastor responded, "Of course not...sit down and shut up!
"Brothers and sisters, though the deceased was a complete waste of time, money, space and air...compared to his surviving brother, he was a saint!"
With that the pastor, check in hand, concluded, "Amen!" and returned to his seat behind the pulpit...