D
DDThompson
Guest
Hello. Hola. Hocheech. Davihasselhoff. Bon jour.
I would officially like to welcome the Olympic judges to the AP, Harris, and Coaches' Poll portion of the BCS. Hey, I understand that holding that Olympic stint once every four years can be tough in these economic hard times, so greetings to you. I don't know about anyone else, but I welcome your expertise and integrity to NCAA College Football.
A word to the wise, Olympic Judge. The Iowa Hawkeyes, a lot like American gymnasts, are technically sound. But these Hawks, more often than not, play the game like it is supposed to be played. They use power, execution, and instinct to crash around the field. And the computer polls have rewarded Iowa on their technical merits.
These Hawks (it is said), aren't long and slender and graceful nor do they move with a flair in dance or with artistic grace. As we all know, football is soooooo much like gymnastics -- it's all about a graceful flow and titillating style.
But Iowa? Iowa wins ugly. Iowa's wins are against sub-par teams. Iowa wins by luck. Iowa has a lot of close wins. Iowa's wins aren't pretty. I've noticed that there are two common words from all of Iowa-haters' statements. Two words they say with their own mouths but the Olympic judges refuse to hear. So while the Olympic judges attempt to figure the two common words with replays from the booth, let me continue.
Football used to be about execution and winning. Not anymore. Now teams have to look pretty. So bring out the leotards. That's what the Olympic judges from AP, Harris', and the Coaches' Polls want to see. They want to see men, men in tight tights.
Picture a few years ago Mack Brown in a burnt orange leotard with a Longhorn strategically placed. Pleading and begging for the Olympic judges to give his team style points for a championship title game. To them, that was "pretty."
Squeeze a 350 pound nose tackle into Shawn Johnson's leotards. He gracefully blocks two kicks, one being a game-ending field goal attempt, to salvage Alabama's season? That's "pretty". But Iowa doing what no team in the history of college football has ever done on consecutive plays to win a game. Now that's just plain ugly.
Close your eyes and fantasize about a Russian gymnast. Now a little less hairy legs. More hair on the chest. Now shorter. Just a wee bit shorter. Now color the leotard deep communist-red. You're picturing Nick Saban, right? To these judges, that's pretty. (Side bar: didn't Nick flee the Big 10 because he couldn't win this mediocre conference?)
Picture in super slo-motion Tim Tebow in his orange helmet and gator-blue leotard twisting, turning, vaulting, pirouetting (those Olympic judges love French) over a defender across the goal line. Now THAT's "pretty." Umm, actually, it's Tim Tebow so I'm sure he would look pretty in a leotard doing all that other stuff. After all, Tebow and his Gators have the nation's longest winning streak. Now that's "pretty". That is style.
Which Iowa, even with the nation's second longest winning streak doesn't have.
And that brings us back to Iowa's detractors: the NCAA's Olympic judges refuse to hear the two common words they repeat with their own mouths in every one of their statements trashing Iowa.
Iowa wins.
So to these Olympic judges I would say, "Goodbye. Adios. Anchong. Davihasselhoff. Surrender!" Meaning this: "Stuff your Olympic scoring down your leotards."
I would officially like to welcome the Olympic judges to the AP, Harris, and Coaches' Poll portion of the BCS. Hey, I understand that holding that Olympic stint once every four years can be tough in these economic hard times, so greetings to you. I don't know about anyone else, but I welcome your expertise and integrity to NCAA College Football.
A word to the wise, Olympic Judge. The Iowa Hawkeyes, a lot like American gymnasts, are technically sound. But these Hawks, more often than not, play the game like it is supposed to be played. They use power, execution, and instinct to crash around the field. And the computer polls have rewarded Iowa on their technical merits.
These Hawks (it is said), aren't long and slender and graceful nor do they move with a flair in dance or with artistic grace. As we all know, football is soooooo much like gymnastics -- it's all about a graceful flow and titillating style.
But Iowa? Iowa wins ugly. Iowa's wins are against sub-par teams. Iowa wins by luck. Iowa has a lot of close wins. Iowa's wins aren't pretty. I've noticed that there are two common words from all of Iowa-haters' statements. Two words they say with their own mouths but the Olympic judges refuse to hear. So while the Olympic judges attempt to figure the two common words with replays from the booth, let me continue.
Football used to be about execution and winning. Not anymore. Now teams have to look pretty. So bring out the leotards. That's what the Olympic judges from AP, Harris', and the Coaches' Polls want to see. They want to see men, men in tight tights.
Picture a few years ago Mack Brown in a burnt orange leotard with a Longhorn strategically placed. Pleading and begging for the Olympic judges to give his team style points for a championship title game. To them, that was "pretty."
Squeeze a 350 pound nose tackle into Shawn Johnson's leotards. He gracefully blocks two kicks, one being a game-ending field goal attempt, to salvage Alabama's season? That's "pretty". But Iowa doing what no team in the history of college football has ever done on consecutive plays to win a game. Now that's just plain ugly.
Close your eyes and fantasize about a Russian gymnast. Now a little less hairy legs. More hair on the chest. Now shorter. Just a wee bit shorter. Now color the leotard deep communist-red. You're picturing Nick Saban, right? To these judges, that's pretty. (Side bar: didn't Nick flee the Big 10 because he couldn't win this mediocre conference?)
Picture in super slo-motion Tim Tebow in his orange helmet and gator-blue leotard twisting, turning, vaulting, pirouetting (those Olympic judges love French) over a defender across the goal line. Now THAT's "pretty." Umm, actually, it's Tim Tebow so I'm sure he would look pretty in a leotard doing all that other stuff. After all, Tebow and his Gators have the nation's longest winning streak. Now that's "pretty". That is style.
Which Iowa, even with the nation's second longest winning streak doesn't have.
And that brings us back to Iowa's detractors: the NCAA's Olympic judges refuse to hear the two common words they repeat with their own mouths in every one of their statements trashing Iowa.
Iowa wins.
So to these Olympic judges I would say, "Goodbye. Adios. Anchong. Davihasselhoff. Surrender!" Meaning this: "Stuff your Olympic scoring down your leotards."
