If the Big Ten teams were countries…
ILLINOIS: Greece
Once a powerhouse, now little more than an insignificant clan of people who talk funny and complain a lot.
INDIANA: Ireland
A very proud people who tend to overlook certain types of bad behavior. Using the f-word repeatedly is acceptable.
IOWA: Ukraine
Detached from the rest of Europe and really should be part of Asia . Covered with corn fields. Appear to be emerging as a regional power.
MICHIGAN: Germany
A rich history, tons of talent, but a tendency to employ leaders who are power-crazed, loud-mouthed lunatics who always seem to louse things up. Germany's citizens are always ready to tell you they're superior. When asked about recent history, they tend to get quiet quickly.
MICHIGAN STATE : Austria
Germany's slow, loud, self-conscious and far less accomplished neighbor.
MINNESOTA: Sweden
Liberal whack jobs covered in snow.
NORTHWESTERN: Netherlands
Citizens of other European countries (and the world) come here to get stoned and drunk, ravage the natives, then leave.
OHIO STATE : France
Pound for pound the most insufferable, arrogant ****** on the planet. Weak leaders who appear to be accomplices in their humiliating defeats. Holding their own against Germany at the moment, but everyone knows it's only a matter of time before the tanks are rolling again.
PENN STATE : United Kingdom
Used to run the world. Run by a beloved, geriatric figurehead who simply refuses to retire.
PURDUE: Norway
The secret to Norway 's marginal success is that it's so boring, no one pays it any attention.
WISCONSIN: Poland
Filled with hulking pasty-white drunks with 'ski' at the end of their last name. Looks tough, but easily rolled. Lots of jokes are made at their expense.
ILLINOIS: Greece
Once a powerhouse, now little more than an insignificant clan of people who talk funny and complain a lot.
INDIANA: Ireland
A very proud people who tend to overlook certain types of bad behavior. Using the f-word repeatedly is acceptable.
IOWA: Ukraine
Detached from the rest of Europe and really should be part of Asia . Covered with corn fields. Appear to be emerging as a regional power.
MICHIGAN: Germany
A rich history, tons of talent, but a tendency to employ leaders who are power-crazed, loud-mouthed lunatics who always seem to louse things up. Germany's citizens are always ready to tell you they're superior. When asked about recent history, they tend to get quiet quickly.
MICHIGAN STATE : Austria
Germany's slow, loud, self-conscious and far less accomplished neighbor.
MINNESOTA: Sweden
Liberal whack jobs covered in snow.
NORTHWESTERN: Netherlands
Citizens of other European countries (and the world) come here to get stoned and drunk, ravage the natives, then leave.
OHIO STATE : France
Pound for pound the most insufferable, arrogant ****** on the planet. Weak leaders who appear to be accomplices in their humiliating defeats. Holding their own against Germany at the moment, but everyone knows it's only a matter of time before the tanks are rolling again.
PENN STATE : United Kingdom
Used to run the world. Run by a beloved, geriatric figurehead who simply refuses to retire.
PURDUE: Norway
The secret to Norway 's marginal success is that it's so boring, no one pays it any attention.
WISCONSIN: Poland
Filled with hulking pasty-white drunks with 'ski' at the end of their last name. Looks tough, but easily rolled. Lots of jokes are made at their expense.
