Gennings Dunker should be the prototype for every Iowa OL from now until the apocalypse. No exceptions, no substitutes.
1) Every O-lineman will receive by registered mail a prepaid Culver’s gift card with $10k on it to start the year and will be provided .5 gallons of coffee to be drank per day, split into 3 sessions before/during/after practices and games. Culver’s gift card only redeemable by the person whose name appears on it, and must have a balance remaining after the season less than $50.
2) Mullet required to be no shorter than 12” below the nape of the neck (preferably Dutch Boy paint color code “Gloss Copper Flame”), and a mustache not to extend past the edge of, nor below upper lip, color matched to mullet.
3) Tattoos shall be type “Full Sleeve,” contain lions, one or more American flags, barbed wire, and respectful reverence of O-lineman’s mother. Allow room for expansion upon the first year completion of Coach Braithwaite’s physical training regimen, paid for by the University and in an Iowa City tattoo parlor only. Tattoo parlors which have done ISU artwork in the past are excluded from consideration.
4) Honey Stinger waffles will be provided in bulk weekly by Amazon delivery to dormitory, player is responsible for providing preferred flavor.
5) Prospective applicants are required to enter the Solon Beef Days Hay Bale Toss as high school seniors for evaluation, and must place within the top 10 not counting present Iowa football players. After selection, OL players will continue to enter each year and must not place below any current non-Iowa football player. Failure to meet this yearly standard will result in scout team placement and possible scholarship revocation. This contest is meant to convey extreme badassery to the rest of the country, as well as serving as community outreach in energizing fans and inciting oversized children to pursue careers as Iowa offensive linemen.
6) T-shirts shall be size large only, and upgraded moped shocks will be provided at the expense of the University for use by players cruising around town being awesome for purposes of marketing as well as fan engagement. Mullet shall be DOT-rated for use without a helmet and to promote health/proper drying of hair.